I don’t want your cats – Give me your penguins, wombats, and the slow loris!

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I might be one of the worst people to share links with online. Well I guess it depends on what you usually share, but to most people that I know, I am the worst. My friends have learned that there are things at which I just do not find funny or entertaining. If you want to send me interesting articles about things happening around the globe or that will save my faith in humanity, please do!

But there are things that I do not want to see.

First and foremost: Memes. I hate them. I really really do. I think out of the thousands that I’ve seen, I’ve smirked at maybe 20. I have laughed out loud at maybe 5. MAYBE. That is pushing it.

I will tolerate memes.

What I really don’t want are your cats. Really. I don’t want your cats. I hate cats. I have always hated cats. I will tolerate them if you have them and I’m at your house. I may even grow to like them. This is probably because I grew up with dogs but haven’t been around them in years and miss the companionship that a pet provides. However, I will never even crack a smile at a cat being an idiot online. Ever. Take your LOLCats (those are the worst, actually I don’t even know if that is what they are called), your cat memes, your cute cat pictures, and shove them where the sun don’t shine. There is nothing funny about a cat being a dick and someone writing something ‘clever’ in middle-school girl talk with the terrible grammar and spelling. It makes me cry in shame.

So, to better direct those of you who find cat videos funny and cute to more substantial and hilarious animals, I have made a list of the animals that I will gladly watch adorable videos of or see awesome photos of.

This monkey wants ALL the snow

The Slow Loris

The slow loris is a species of primate found in South and Southeast Asia. All 5 species of the Slow Loris are endangered. That is truely sad because they are adorable. Really incredibly adorable. As evidence I give you these two famous Slow Loris videos:

This is a video of the Slow Loris holding a tiny umbrella. Just look at how happy he is to have that umbrella! He loves that umbrella. When was the last time you were that excited to hold anything? I’ll tell you, never.

And this is a video of a Slow Loris being tickled. He thrusts his hands up in victory at how awesome it is to be a Slow Loris and to be tickled. Look at how disappointed he is when they stop.

Penguins

Everyone and their mother loves penguins. Or if they don’t they should. At least everyone knows what they are. If you don’t… I don’t even know what is wrong with you. You live in the age of the internet. You can see one in about 3 seconds.

Sea World in San Diego recently set up a Penguin Cam. You can watch the penguins for 24/7 throughout March and April. You heard me. 24 hours, 7 days a week for 2 months. Penguins. So far today I’ve watched an emperor penguin need to be bear hugged and lifted off of a tall rock because he was stuck, another emperor penguin with his head between the legs of the guy with fish from behind because he wanted another one, and a smaller penguin sliding around really fast on his belly – for fun!

Here is Cookie, the penguin who loves to get tickled at the Cincinnati Zoo.

Watch this TEDTalk on the importance of understanding penguin behavior and why we should pay attention to them. It is extremely informative, like all TEDtalks.

Pandas, Red Pandas, and Polar Bears

Yes, I know pandas are kind of useless especially when it comes to reproduction. Well, when it comes to everything but eating and sleeping. But they are incredibly adorable. Way better than some idiotic cat.

Watch this little panda scare the bejeebies out of its mom when it sneezes!

Watch the slowest, clumsiest thief out there being adorable.

Just look at these baby pandas. You can’t stop.

Pandas = cute.

Red pandas are really cute. I really can’t describe how cute they are. Just look them up. Look at pictures. I saw one in real life at the National Zoo in DC. That was the first time I went to a zoo since I was maybe 5. It made me incredibly sad to see how small the enclosures were for all of the animals. Yes, you can argue that it is DC and there isn’t a lot of room. My retaliation? Don’t have a zoo then.

Polar bears too. Especially baby polar bears. You just want to cuddle them. Well I do at least. I’m being such a girl right now.

You can watch a live cam of a polar bear cub in the Scandinavian Wildlife Park in Denmark. On Monday, I watched him stumble into the water. Way too cute.

Wombats

Wombats are marsupials – the same as kangaroos and wallabies. I have no idea why I love them. It might be the ridiculous name. It probably is partly that. At least 50%. I recently heard a few songs by the band The Wombats. Not bad at all.

There is an adorable wombat.

Sloths

There are six species of sloths and all are related to anteaters and armadillos. They look ridiculous. They also look like those fuzzy little creatures running around on the forest moon of Endor – the Ewoks.

I’m not the only one that loves sloths. My friends from home do too and so does Kristen Bell. Look at how excited she was to have a sloth at her birthday party!

Not impressed? Look up the Ground Sloth. They will stop you for disliking their relatives.

I could probably go on and on about animals that I love to see. Rabbits? I love rabbits. I’m weird though. I enjoy a good wombat video too and everyone loves the adorable and ferocious Koala bear. Or at least they should.

So, never ever share with me a cat photo. Even if its yours. I will not care. I will not laugh.

I will leave you with this monkey that I am in love with.

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