Dude, you the crazy one

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If my blog was more popular, I’m sure I’d get way more hell from this post than I actually will.

Oh well.

I’m not actually going to rant about men in DC. It’s been done. I think by me to some extent on here, but definitely by every single lady in DC on paper, online, and/or to her friends. Or to the wall/bathroom stall/pillow/etc.

You get the idea.

Remember when this happened? Like my life was the Truman Show but instead of following a man, they wrote me into some ridiculous Romantic Comedy sketch.


I met this guy when I was in DC through OkCupid. We never actually met in person because I moved back to Pittsburgh. Thank goodness we never met.

I think he’s crazy.

Anyway, we stayed in touch. Like most of my guy friends, he uses me for advice about dating. At first it was cute. “I really like this girl, I don’t know what to do.” or  “What do you think I should text her? When should I contact her?”

And then he grew obsessive. Or well, maybe he has always been obsessive, I was just seeing this side now. Maybe that’s why hes 29 and ridiculously single and has never had a girlfriend.

And then I started ignoring him. For about 3 weeks I just gave him the illusion that I wasn’t there. I felt sort of bad, but at the same time, I didn’t really owe him anything. We aren’t really friends. Call me what you will, you would have done the same thing in the same situation. Last night I decided to put up with his bitching.

It probably wasn’t the best time for me to give dating advice, but I was bored and he needed help.

He proceeded to tell me how badly he fucked up with a girl before the first date.

He met her somewhere (probably Whole Foods, he meets a lot of ladies there) and they exchanged contact information and then decided to go out. Before their date, he accidentally, he wanted to call his friend and get out some of his insecurities. His friend happened to be a lady.

Instead of dialing up his friend, he accidentally dialed up the wrong lady, but she was busy and in a rush and hung up before any words were spoken. He gets a call back and he thought it was his friend calling him back. Still he has no idea that he called the wrong girl.

He starts talking to her. Checks to see if it’s his friend – “Hey is this M?” She responds “yes”

He continues to go on about how he is worried that one or all of the 5 girls he is juggling currently is crazy. He tells her he is sick of crazy girls. They are everywhere. And he is worried that the girl he has a date with is going to be crazy – the very same girl that he is currently on the phone with.

He stops talking. He realized that the girl he is talking to has a Russian accent. “Wait, is this T?”     “Yes.”

He claims they talked for another 30 minutes while he tried to get her to not cancel the date. Which of course she cancelled as soon as he realized who he was talking to. I don’t think he actually talked to her for that long. There is no way she put up with his rambling for 30 minutes.

After he tries to save it, she tells him not to ever call her or text her again.

He texts her, still begging for the date. He is distraught at this point in the story.

“M, she was smokin’ hot.”

Wow, ok? I tell him, you still really fucked up. Just give up.

He goes on and on about how there HAS to be a way that he can get this date back on with her. At this point in time, I didn’t know that it was a first date and they didn’t meet. I asked him.

Yes. Yes it was their first date. Yes they didn’t really know each other. I try to explain to him that no lady wants to hear that you are worried she is crazy. She also doesn’t want to know how many other girls you are seeing. That is a major fuck up.

So he tries to blame her. “She told me she was my friend M!” (this M is not me BTW. He doesn’t have my number, thank goodness)

‘I don’t care what she told you, you really messed up. You don’t know her. She doesn’t know you. She doesn’t owe you anything. Just let it go.’ – me

“But she was so hot! This sucks, this always happens. I’m going to text her on Friday. Give her a few days”

“Seriously. Nothing will redeem this. You told her you were worried she was crazy. No one wants to hear that. How would you feel?”

“Well I would be mad I guess. But she was hotter than the Aussie! I really want to go out with her. I really like this girl”

“You don’t even know her.”

At this point I realized that he was hopeless. I left the conversation. I was done. After over an hour and a half of me trying to explain to him that no matter how much whining he does, it won’t save it. He still won’t listen to me. He still thinks that because she is hot, he deserves a chance with her. She owes him a date.

No. That is not how it works.

This time I blocked him on gchat and defriended him on Facebook. I wasn’t going to go that far until I received 13 messages from him over the course of an hour and a half where he was whining about how he really needed someone to talk to and was worried and wanted to get this date back on with the Russian girl.

Sorry dude, just realize you’re nuts.


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