In which I talk about online dating and creepers

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I wrote the new years resolution post. Now its time for me to write an other ‘cliche’ post: the online dating post.

I started my first Ok Cupid profile in DC. Met some chill people, but long term wise, eh.

I thought about it when I first got here, but then realized that it wasn’t as difficult meeting people organically as it was in DC. Not necessarily for dating, but to cultivate friendships. Dating could wait. I DID just move to a new city. I need some time to settle in and get involved in myself before finding someone.

3 months in to my new life in San Francisco and one disaster with a brit, and I decided to give it another go. I would like to thank the ridiculous amount of free time I had while everyone I know was out of town for the holidays for finally pushing me to join OK CUpid again.  Really I should have been spending this time looking for and apply to jobs.

Spend time on my profile, I did not.

I can’t stand long winded “about me” sections. I don’t want to tell you all about myself so that you think you know me going in. Maybe that is just me. I don’t know, but whatever. What I DO make sure I have in my profile are key things about me, generally witty, or things that I really enjoy that someone can use to write an interesting message to lure me in.

Here is a glimpses of a message that MIGHT work. I said might because nothing came of it.

“You just mentioned two of my favorite things: pancakes and Skins. I haven’t tried them together yet though. What do you think of the new Skins crew?”

I’m obsessed with Skins… The UK version, NOT the US version. I refuse to consider watching that. Clearly he read my profile and picked up on two things that we share in common. Unfortunately only one of them was a strong connection and he wasn’t that interesting after the initial message.

Moving on.

I have, however, received my fair amount of lame/creepy messages. Not at all surprising.

You can usually lump them into generic groups.

A. The group of people who obviously didn’t look at your profile.

These people message you something very generic, mention NOTHING on your profile, and probably copied and pasted this message into several messages to hit up several ladies in a row. I can see it now – they open different profiles in different tabs, open blank messages, insert message, and send. Bam. Multiple lame message bombs sent to unsuspecting lady’s profiles.

Example:

“hey!
Interested in meeting & chatting over drinks?”

No. No I’m not. Did I bother even looking at his profile? No. Do we have anything in common? Probably not. Did you look at MY profile? Probably not.

OK Cupid gives you this nifty section at the end of your profile titled “You should message me if” where you can post what you’re looking for and can play on what other people would be looking for like “Message me if you are looking for a nerdy lady who wants to explore the city”. No. This is NOT what my profile says.

Side note: Sometimes people (and I) use this place to mention people that SHOULDN’T message you. This is sort of what I have posted:

To guys that have shirtless profile pictures, click here. I then have a link. Where does it take you? Here:

Love it.

Another side note: This is generally the section that lures me in to initiate a conversation. If I find someone who, through their profile, seems to be pretty awesome or whatever, I’ll check this section. Usually it’s something witty and I’ll use it to start my creative message writing process. One guy in DC used this section to state that he prefers his messages in Haiku form. Did I write one? You bet I did. It was awful, but I did it.

Ok so back to the original topic.

Bad messages.

B. The guys that skimmed your profile (or just the about section) and decided to lure you in with other things

“Hey there!

I noticed that you are new to San Francisco. Have you been to The Castro Theater yet? It is my favorite theater in San Francisco. The theater resembles a classic Hollywood Theater from the 1950s and an organist plays before the screenings. They show classic, cult, and new movies there. You seem like a sweet girl and I would really like to get to know you.”

So you saw that I was new to San Francisco and THEN you told me a random fact thinking that would woo me and I would drop everything?

Also, never use this phrase: “You seem like a sweet girl” OK? and? Sweet? why would you choose the word sweet? I don’t really think that my profile throws it out there that I’m a “sweet” girl.

Thank you?

Yeah I don’t even know how to respond to that.

C. I’m incredibly rich and I’m hoping that works

I shit you not, I get this all the time. People will message me, not mention ANYTHING about why they think we would be compatible even as friends and then just go on and on about their high paying job… usually in engineering. I guess I get that. I know engineers. I know lonely engineers who do nothing by brag about being an engineer and have the ‘greater than thou’ mentality. One of the reasons why I peaced out of engineering.

My favorite message so far, and I really wish I saved it, was a guy who told me that his company that he founded was just bought out by Netflix. I am sure that you are super rich, but nothing about my profile screams “I’M A HIGH MAINTENANCE GOLD DIGGER PLEASE MESSAGE ME IF YOU HAVE MONIES!”

There are 0 picutres of me done up in tiny dresses with my hair perfectly done and my makeup overdone. 0 Images of me in Prada, Gucci, or holding a Coach or Fendi bag.

Not going to work on me.

Then again, I don’t recall that man mentioning anything about my profile, so he probably fits into A and C.

D. The other ones who say creepy things

I’m sorry. I don’t care how pretty you think I am, please don’t mention it in the first message. Just don’t. Also don’t tell me I have a great smile or eyes…. and mention NOTHING else. You probably fit into group A, too.

OK. I’m done…. for now. Hopefully I’ll have more great OKCupid stories to come and more great messages.

OH!! This was fun – the keyboardist in my friend’s band and I totally ‘ran into each other’ on there. We traded stories. Apparently the girls on there are ridiculous. Maybe I’ll gather up his and other guys’ stories and talk about it… actually I probably will. This other guy I’ve been talking to has some ridiculous experiences too.

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