Every time I drink more than a few adult beverages and get a little intoxicated (or sometimes a lot intoxicated) I always am ashamed for the next few days….weeks… ok sometimes years.
I’m not quite sure if it is a problem or not, but for right now I’m going to say that it is. I mean I shouldn’t be carrying that kind of guilt for doing something that small that many people do… every day even. Though that would be more of a problem than this. That is called alcoholism.
I need to stop feeling ashamed after drinking. I guess it would be more understandable if I was a completely sloppy drunk. I’m not. Or so I’ve been told time and time again that if I don’t throw up at the party/bar, then no one actually knows how drunk I am. I guess I am one of those people that appears to be somewhat sober in an extremely inebriated state. I will take that as a win for me!
I bring this up because this weekend I celebrated Halloween. Probably a little too hard. I apologized profusely to my cousin the next day. She just laughed and said “well I had no idea you were even that drunk until you started pulling things out of your purse in the cab to throw up in it”.
Really? I didn’t seem that drunk?Awesome. Not awesome that my leather purse from Greece smells awful.
I guess I have two main concerns leading to these shameful feelings. 1. Being ‘Sorority’ drunk and 2. being the ONLY one intoxicated.
I hate sloppy drunks. Unless you get drunk like… once every blue moon. Then go for it, get sloppy. I’ll take care of your ass. I’m not however a fan of girls that get sloppy and throw up on themselves EVERY weekend. Its not attractive. So I worry that I appear like that.
To be honest, I think I’ve only actually been sloppy drunk a few times in my life. Not surprisingly these times were in other countries. The rest of the time, even on my 21st, I was one of the least intoxicated of my group of friends. I don’t really black out either. I go from being drunk to throwing up. I guess this is a good thing. I may not recall EVERY detail of the evening, but I don’t miss entire evenings or even parts of them.
My other main issue with my shame? I think I’m the ONLY one drunk at these parties. Wow, I’m wasted. Wake up the next day “Ugh I feel so bad for anything I said/did last night… I’m so terrible. Everyone was probably like Ugh she is ‘THAT girl'”. I hate being ‘THAT girl’. I need to realize that usually when I’m that wasted, everyone else is too. Or they are worse. Such was the case this past weekend. I was in the mid range of drunk/F*ed up. And I appeared in the bottom range to those who were soberish.
Every time (other than those few times that I mentioned above) someone has told me that I was pretty normal the night before and that they had no idea that I was even a little drunk. I need to stop worrying. I really do. Everyone has these little gem moments like I had Saturday night with my purse fiasco. I will say this though, I didn’t get a single drop of puke on the cab. Win!
I’ve never thrown up anywhere but the bathroom.
I’ve never pissed the bed. (This astounds me. I don’t understand how people do it, but I know people that do it ALL the time. Wake the fuck up and use the bathroom. I also dated someone who pissed on me THREE times and then got mad at me when I slept on the floor the rest of the night. He was a winner.)
With all of that being said, my next goal in life is to not feel ashamed