Why I should stop feeling ashamed after a night of drinking

Posted on

Every time I drink more than a few adult beverages and get a little intoxicated (or sometimes a lot intoxicated) I always am ashamed for the next few days….weeks… ok sometimes years.

I’m not quite sure if it is a problem or not, but for right now I’m going to say that it is. I mean I shouldn’t be carrying that kind of guilt for doing something that small that many people do… every day even. Though that would be more of a problem than this. That is called alcoholism.

I need to stop feeling ashamed after drinking. I guess it would be more understandable if I was a completely sloppy drunk. I’m not. Or so I’ve been told time and time again that if I don’t throw up at the party/bar, then no one actually knows how drunk I am. I guess I am one of those people that appears to be somewhat sober in an extremely inebriated state. I will take that as a win for me!

I bring this up because this weekend I celebrated Halloween. Probably a little too hard. I apologized profusely to my cousin the next day. She just laughed and said “well I had no idea you were even that drunk until you started pulling things out of your purse in the cab to throw up in it”.

Really? I didn’t seem that drunk?Awesome. Not awesome that my leather purse from Greece smells awful.

I guess I have two main concerns leading to these shameful feelings. 1. Being ‘Sorority’ drunk and 2. being the ONLY one intoxicated.

I hate sloppy drunks. Unless you get drunk like… once every blue moon. Then go for it, get sloppy. I’ll take care of your ass. I’m not however a fan of girls that get sloppy and throw up on themselves EVERY weekend. Its not attractive. So I worry that I appear like that.

To be honest, I think I’ve only actually been sloppy drunk a few times in my life. Not surprisingly these times were in other countries. The rest of the time, even on my 21st, I was one of the least intoxicated of my group of friends. I don’t really black out either. I go from being drunk to throwing up. I guess this is a good thing. I may not recall EVERY detail of the evening, but I don’t miss entire evenings or even parts of them.

My other main issue with my shame? I think I’m the ONLY one drunk at these parties. Wow, I’m wasted. Wake up the next day “Ugh I feel so bad for anything I said/did last night… I’m so terrible. Everyone was probably like Ugh she is ‘THAT girl'”. I hate being ‘THAT girl’. I need to realize that usually when I’m that wasted, everyone else is too. Or they are worse. Such was the case this past weekend. I was in the mid range of drunk/F*ed up. And I appeared in the bottom range to those who were soberish.

Every time (other than those few times that I mentioned above) someone has told me that I was pretty normal the night before and that they had no idea that I was even a little drunk. I need to stop worrying. I really do. Everyone has these little gem moments like I had Saturday night with my purse fiasco. I will say this though, I didn’t get a single drop of puke on the cab. Win!

I’ve never thrown up anywhere but the bathroom.

I’ve never pissed the bed. (This astounds me. I don’t understand how people do it, but I know people that do it ALL the time. Wake the fuck up and use the bathroom. I also dated someone who pissed on me THREE times and then got mad at me when I slept on the floor the rest of the night. He was a winner.)

With all of that being said, my next goal in life is to not feel ashamed

Advertisements

30 thoughts on “Why I should stop feeling ashamed after a night of drinking

    A selfish review of 2011 « paperballpotluck said:
    December 20, 2011 at 12:17 am

    […] Ruined my purse from Greece on halloween (read more about that here…) […]

      visionjinx91 said:
      September 21, 2015 at 6:25 pm

      Amen, for me I feel ashamed of people’s perceptions changing after listening to my drunk rambles; I’m socially awkward as is so that also doesn’t help matters. I am really bad about word vomit when intoxicated and also have the weird bad habit of pronouncing the band I’m wearing on my shirt that night. oops. Nothing more shameful to me then looking like a poser.

        visionjinx91 said:
        September 21, 2015 at 6:26 pm

        *mispronouncing

        paperballpotluck responded:
        September 21, 2015 at 6:29 pm

        I know the feeling so well! I’ve definitely done the band thing before too. And rambled to one of the band members of the opening band after one too many. Its good to know that it happens to everyone! I’m very glad you commented and followed as now I am checking out your blog and I LOVE your writing!!

    Annoyed At My Own Guilt said:
    April 2, 2012 at 4:06 am

    I’m a completely random person, but I somehow found this post and decided to tell you that I suffer from the same tragic feelings of guilt. I go on apologizing like I killed people’s family members and all they can say is, “No, you weren’t bad at all. In fact, we were going to suggest that you drive until you forced us all to get a cab… and then paid for it”. Little do they know that I have absolutely no idea how I got home, let alone that we had even left my house to begin with. I think that’s the problem… if I don’t remember things, I assume I’m just at total assclown. Though, when I was 20, I thought it was hilarious that I couldn’t remember.

    I think the answer is a combination of trying not to get past a certain point no matter how excited (or bored) I get, and then when I do, make sure it’s an occasion for such ambitions. Then I can at least be okay with myself for not remembering the end of my friend’s bachelor party.

    I don’t even really drink often at all… maybe once every 6 weeks… and these shameful incidents only occur maybe once every 6 months… it’s annoying though when it happens. And I know what you mean because I seriously hate myself… like the whole thing makes me this horrible person and that I’m not worthy of any other respectable person’s admiration.

      Krys said:
      July 14, 2012 at 2:46 am

      omg i am the same way. i mean i beat myself up to the point i think i am the worst person on earth. I couldnt help but laugh at the reply above mine. total assclown lol and the part about like i killed someones family lol. yes this is so me and actually this is me today. i went out last night and wound up just singing at a bar and dancing. but i swear i feel like the biggest loser on earth. its hazy, but i know i did look stupid a few times for sure. i get so embarrased by myself sometimes, and really nobody probably cares or noticed or remembers any of it.

        paperballpotluck responded:
        July 14, 2012 at 8:28 pm

        good to know that someone else feels the same way!!! we should probably not feel so bad. 🙂 Embrace it!

    Cathy said:
    March 24, 2013 at 3:39 am

    I feel this way too a lot. Thought it was just me, my friends laugh when I start to freak and ask well if ur that worried what did u do? Lol. But I can’t help but feel freaked out tonight as I’ve been Ill for 2 weeks cooped up inside and decided as a treat my bf and I would go for a few drinks (I know bad idea) the thing is we had maybe a wee bit too much and ended up fighting which I never do in public 😦 I am very embarrassed and now wished I just didn’t go out at all.

    Kavita Joshi said:
    June 7, 2013 at 4:10 am

    Hey dear..I was so drunk last night and found your post here that is making me feel better now…I am feeling so embarrased since last night as I was beign so much stupid…I usually never do it so it was very strange especially around people I had just met in a seminar

      paperballpotluck responded:
      June 7, 2013 at 5:05 am

      Oh no! don’t feel embarrassed! it happens to the best of us!!

    ♥♥♥♥♥ said:
    August 20, 2013 at 2:12 am

    I feel the same way!!! I hate having this guilty and ashame feeling , but I can’t help it. I think I say things that I would never say unless I was drunk and that’s what makes me feel the worst person in this whole world

    Namrata Das said:
    August 26, 2013 at 4:43 am

    I, too, had an embarrassing drunken night, and your post makes me feel so much better that I’m not the only one that has been through it. I don’t get like that too often, just once a year, and right before college classes begin. Last night, I left with a “big bang,” so to speak. I got so drunk while trying to take care of a drunken friend and handle other responsibilities, and ended up throwing up. But I know that the incident is done and gone, and there’s nothing more I can do about it but never get to such a state ever again. The joy is good, but the consequences suck. Ruined a $400 dress, and messed up my hair that took quite a while to perfect. I also had to return this morning to clean up my mess which wasn’t made a big deal to anyone other than myself. And I remember the whole night too, I have full recollection of every incident. I guess having not eaten for the entire day, my body gave in. We all get like this, and thankfully our incidents aren’t posted in newspapers, making headlines, haha.

    rolynunraveled said:
    May 3, 2014 at 6:32 pm

    Hey!

    I was surfing for “party guilt” because I’m going to DC tonight and I have a six page paper due Sunday. I have about 2 pages done and a pretty extensive outline for the next three.. but alas, guilt remains.

    I have a similar situation in which I don’t black out, but jump from drunk and fun to pukey and gross.

    I just skimmed another blog entry by a woman who thinks it’s a cultural condition for women to feel guilty about their “hard earned vices.” I think there’s a serious expectation for women to behave within the confines of “respectable and refined” and “vivacious and vixen.” and when alcohol is involved, its hard to navigate and maintain such a balance.

    as ive grown and gained more experience with alcohol, ive committed myself to the basic rules, “don’t mix alcohols,” “eat before, during, or after drinking,” “liquor before beer you’re in the clear…” etc. ive also figured out my personal tolerance level, and which beverages make me moody, horny, ready to dance, giggly, but ive also figured out that people have different expectations of what my “level” is. i know that 2 rum & cokes put me there, but my boyfriend seems like me at 2 and a half. some of my friends have more tolerance for me when im buzzed than when im drunk, and others couldn’t care less.

    i think its important to understand how our environment shapes the way we feel, especially when we’re inebriated. if ive had a hard week and i just want to dance, i make sure i choose the venue and accomplices accordingly. im not saying that we should be upset or angry that some friends cant handle all our colors. one person cant fulfill all needs, and it is important to surround yourself with people who can fulfill your needs at a particular time.

    KaiTee said:
    October 6, 2014 at 8:55 pm

    I know what you mean. My anxiety usually goes away once I realized that everyone was drunk – however, I brought one of my classmates last weekend, and she had just a glass of wine since she’s driving. I was not drunk-drunk, but sure, I was buzzed. I feel like oh shit I talked too much…now she’s thinking I’m a complete drunk & moron. Having sad that, I don’t judge the people because they were so drunk, most us have been there at one point of our lives…unless you get trashed all the time. Besides, that’s fun of it – get drunk once a while and be all stupid. I did that for my friend’s birthday girls night out. We’re all drunk and acted so silly. It was FUN.

    Catgar said:
    March 15, 2015 at 9:20 am

    I too suffer horribly after drinking and the guilty feelings sometimes last for days. I have thought about quitting altogether but I enjoy a few drinks, it’s just when I have too much that I really suffer. It’s a relief to know that I’m not the only person who feels like this

    Dani said:
    June 30, 2015 at 5:11 pm

    Searching to see if other people are embarrassed after drinking lead me here, I think it’s because when you don’t drink often and you let loose your not use to having people see you so crazy / free / vulnerable? Maybe people who do drink all the time don’t feel that same guilt. I went out last night had some drinks and I am a light weight so it hit me pretty hard, all in all I am feeling major regret / embarrassment today, and the guy I am dating probably thinks I am an assclown lmao. It is even worse if I’m drinking and I begin to get weird vibes from the people I am around like they are annoyed with me even if they say nothing. I overthink waaayyy to much and probably shouldn’t care.

    Mjk said:
    November 6, 2015 at 6:38 pm

    I know this post is old. But I feel terrible guilt if I get drunk. Even if I am at home and don’t talk to anyone or see anyone. The next day I just feel wretchedly guilty. I’m sure it is because alcohol is a depressant and so I don’t drink much these days but last night was one of those sitting in front of the TV drinking wine nights and I had too much and now I just hate myself.

      paperballpotluck responded:
      November 6, 2015 at 7:39 pm

      It is definitely just the alcohol! Don’t hate yourself! watch a good movie and eat some hangover food. 🙂

        Stupid said:
        November 19, 2015 at 1:06 pm

        I love this post , went out at the weekend , had a laugh , lots of dancing but I remember seeing people but I can’t remember any convos , I’m even embarrassed to look at pictures and seeing people who weren’t even out

        paperballpotluck responded:
        November 20, 2015 at 12:24 am

        Don’t feel so ashamed! It sounds like you had a great time! This is going to be me friday 🙂

    Andi said:
    January 1, 2016 at 11:29 pm

    Wow this made me feel so much better knowing that other people drink. Let’s just say last night was awful… I have never really drank alcohol before until last night.. I wanted to see what drinking and partying was really like and let’s just say I threw up.. Everywhere. Which was filmed and put on snapchat.. I also kissed one of my guy friends because everyone was cheering me on, yelling, “kiss! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!” The entire night was terrible.. I’m so ashamed 😩

      paperballpotluck responded:
      January 4, 2016 at 1:06 am

      Don’t feel too bad! That has happened to the best of us. I once spent an hour throwing up into a friend’s toilet going on and on about how much I liked his roommate…. it happens. Thats not OK that someone filmed it though and made it public. Don’t let that get you down. I know its hard to not let stuff like that get to you and make you feel ashamed. Just remind yourself its in the past and that it happens to others, too. I hope that everything worked out with your guy friend! I definitely would have done the same thing if I was in your shoes! Feel better and keep your chin up!

    Tanesha Strede said:
    February 9, 2016 at 5:45 pm

    Very nice Posting! Thanks.

    LicensedDrunkGuy said:
    April 7, 2016 at 2:39 am

    This post really helped me a lot. Haha Thanks! I’ve been feeling guilty since last week, And I did remember every convo’s I had and that’s what it makes more embarrassing.

      paperballpotluck responded:
      April 7, 2016 at 3:18 am

      It happens to everyone! I’m glad it has helped you!!

    Pol Morningstar said:
    April 7, 2016 at 2:45 am

    I was searching on “how to relieved feeling ashamed after a hard drinking night” and It got me here. Thanks Btw, now I know I’m not the only one who suffers from this kind of anxiety. This really helped me.

      paperballpotluck responded:
      April 7, 2016 at 3:18 am

      You are not alone! I definitely get anxious every morning after even just one or two beers. just take some deep breaths and remember there are definitely others out there that feel the same way and no one that matters is going to care what you did or said the night before 🙂

        Pol Morningstar said:
        April 7, 2016 at 5:50 pm

        I feel more confident now than the other day , And I think we should really not put this in our thoughts. So we could get over it after a few days.. I am really glad that I searched for this. 🙂 Thanks for responding by the way.

    Rosalie Ellison said:
    January 29, 2017 at 2:34 pm

    This is spot on! I found this post like many did, it seems- searching for something to make me feel better about last night. I’m a senior in college and have had my share of nights out, but only one or two of the sloppy ones, and I’m usually the one who seems to be sober or just buzzed when I’m already drunk. Last night was just another night out, I went to a party with a few sorority sisters and drank more than I planned, and this morning I just feel guilty about it! I think it’s because parts of the night are hazy, like who drove home and who I talked to, and that drives me crazy because even though I didn’t get sick and I’m 99% sure I was fine, I want to know that no one sees me as ‘that girl’ for some reason.

      paperballpotluck responded:
      January 30, 2017 at 5:14 pm

      I’m glad you found this! I hope that it made you feel a bit better and remind yourself that you were definitely not ‘that girl’ and even if you were, no one will remember it because they, too, were ‘that girl’.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s